Transformation
May 2015, I entered enemy territory. As a maroon loving Mississippi State graduate, I entered Ole Miss's campus to start a new adventure. I would like to say that I was super confident in my knowledge, but in all reality, I was just read to meet new people and get this thing going. We played a game of "get to know you bingo" and introduced ourselves to the room. I immediately became the southern girl that was nice. That's how people referred to me over the next few weeks, until I became the "Are you sure you're not teaching elementary school?" lady. It was okay. I usually held onto those words, because my secret competitive nature reminded myself "hey - you're memorable." I think that's where my true transformation began. I began to realize that this was not a competition. Some may still believe it is, but it's not. It's a unified attempt to change the education system and educate the future generations of Mississippi.
I admit that I was never one to pretend to have it all together. In fact, the picture above shows me doing some type of work, but I guarantee moments after this I asked for help or reassurance in what I was doing was correct. Working with highly educated people from all over America could have been intimidating, and it was at times. My transformation also dealt with my confidence in my education as a Mississippi public school graduate. Often in the program, we criticize Mississippi - I mean, who doesn't in this world? Yet, I noticed that it started to take a toll on my confidence.
Here's a snapshot of my first blog post during my MTC career to prove it.
I mean...hand first year me a tissue, band aid, and a pat on the black while shouting "GET OVER IT!" |
I'll start with fears. Fears -- ultimate fear is that nobody learns a thing. I am afraid that my students will not take me seriously. I've been told by a second year in the program, "Summer, do not dress like Ms. Honey from Matilda. You tend to dress like her." So I'm currently focusing on my first day to school outfit, just like my students may be doing. I'm afraid that they won't be excited about the year. I know that when I was in their shoes, I was not excited so I hope I can spark an excitement. I believe classroom management is a fear for everyone, even returning teachers. Excitement is constant. I am nervous but so very excited. I'm so ready to meet all of the students and get to know their personalities. I'm ready to know them well enough to utilize their traits in classwork (bell ringers, etc). I want to find out what the students are interested in so I can utilize materials that interest them.
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But hey, I'm smart! It took a while for me to see that. I have to admit, that is my largest transformation. MTC course work, conversations, discussions, projects, and interactions helped me establish an air of confidence that exceeded my expectations. My competitive nature, my desire to seek help, and newly grounded confidence have helped me become a teacher I can be proud of being.
I may be more confident, but I'm still quick to admit when I don't know something or need help. Here's two snippets from a recent blog post demonstrating my growth in confidence but honest enough to admit I need help.
It may not be grammatically correct, but it's still true.
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Well, let’s be honest. I didn’t have a hot clue what I was doing my first year and that even meant I didn’t know how to grade or create an assessment. Even if really great assessments were given to me, I didn’t always know how to use that information to make my classroom better or help the students. I just saw numbers. The numbers did not help me brainstorm. The numbers did not give me a brilliant idea. The numbers intimidated me. They made me feel inferior and like I was failing my students.
Now, numbers still kinda suck. I am told to look for “data” and ways to use it. I’m not a data analysis. I’m an English teacher. I look for words, thoughts, and ideas. I look for textual evidence and reasoning. ____________________________________________________________________________ One of my favorite projects we do is after we read Martin Luther King Jr.’s Letter From A Birmingham Jail. The students construct his or her own letter based off of an injustice in the world. This helps me see if each student comprehended what Dr. King was trying to accomplish as well as grammatical practices that we’ve reviewed, along with much more. I’m still not great at teaching writing, but much better than last year. |